Staying Creatively Connected to Grandchildren

Years ago, when my 4 older granddaughters were still young, I lived on the East Coast and they lived on the West. It worked for us, at least temporarily, as a great communication vehicle.

Together we tried some pretty creative ways to stay connected. The blog below is actually a magazine column I wrote when my granddaughter, Laura, was about 13.   She’s about to be 20 and is completing her sophomore year at UC Santa Cruz. She’s going to South Africa for part of the summer to participate in a great white shark research project.

How My Granddaughter and I Stay Connected Through “HYKOO”

Kids and grandkids grow and change. So do we grandparents if we’re showing up, paying attention, and doing our own developmental work. This means finding new ways to connect and communicate that are, once again, good for now.

Usually the end of a visit is the end. In our case the end was the beginning after last March’s spring break visit at our house (Palm Heights, elevation 14’) by one set of grandkids and their parents. These grandkids call me Poppa. Immediately upon her return to her home my oldest granddaughter, Laura, then age 12, sent me the following email:

We walk in the door
Many sunny days go by
Then we say goodbye (Laura)

My email response to her was in anticipation of our oldest 3 granddaughters’ July return to our house (this time without their parents):

Goodbyes fade away
Connections remain, so strong
July is coming (Poppa)

The poetry with which most of us are familiar can most resemble literature written in meter or verse with or without rhyming. Last March during their family visit, Laura and I discovered we had both studied Japanese Haiku poetry in school and enjoyed it. Japanese Haiku poetry requires 1. brevity and compression in approximately 17 syllables, 2. a seasonal feeling, and 3. a “cutting word” or kireji, often at the end of the first or second line that divides the poem into 2 unequal halves.
Example:
late autumn –
a single chair waiting
for someone yet to come (Arima Akito)

With our profuse apologies to Haiku experts everywhere, Laura and I have adopted the Haiku syllable and brevity format for our communication and made it our own. I call it Hykoo. No one, least of all us, is going to pretend we’re writing skillful, formal Haiku. Yet, to write really good Hykoo between granddaughter and grandfather requires both of us to use math, imagination, language, intention, and the ability to really hear what is being said by the other person. Laura and I are forced across the continental distance to refine our Hykoo thoughts and messages to their essence for each other.

Of course our communication isn’t limited to Hykoo. We have phones and Skype. Yet Laura and I exchange Hykoo almost every day by email as our primary grandfather/granddaughter connection. We’ve been doing it for months, and neither of us has grown tired of our conversations. When I say conversations, I’m not kidding.We’ve discussed her fondness for the Gulf of Mexico and Sarasota Bay:

Soft, salty wetness
Silver moon shining upwards
Reflections from the sea (Laura)

I’ve asked what it’s like for her to be turning 13:
Becoming 13
New perceptions flowing forth
Life, mind doors open (Poppa)

We’ve explored her love of Marine Biology:
The famished shark swims
In silent stalking circles
Nature has its way (Laura)

We’ve acknowledged that a wise woman (even at age 13) can make thoughtful small and large choices by considering the less obvious grays as well as the obvious blacks and whites:

Different forest paths
A hard decision to make
Choose the wisest route (Laura)

Hykoo has become a conversational canvas for Laura and me. We write what we think. We begin conversations we might not have otherwise. We’re currently having a friendly debate about the nature of time and another about the role of secrets, their shelf life, and how something that is important one day may seem less so in a day or a week.
I sent her this Hykoo:

Secrets, like apples
Hang on the tree, looking down
None cling forever (Poppa)

I love my granddaughter and our Hykoo email exchanges. As my son, her father, said in a text message to me, “Lifetime memories”. This is what creativity and regular connection looks like for Laura and me right now. We’ll see what will work for Laura’s 3 younger sisters and me as each of them is ready.

P.S. My thanks to Laura Schofield. I asked for and obtained Laura’s permission to use her Hykoo in this column before sitting down to write it.
How have your grandchildren changed? How have you? What are the new ways of connection and communication that are working for you at this point?  Let me know please. I’ll share the experience here.